Fwd: [ PFIR ] ICANN Announces Surprise Termination of Domain Name Expansion Program; Plans Own Dissolution

[Carlos A. Afonso]

This is a canonical "April 1st" news. But on some (several?) counts it
is a pity it is not for real...

--c.a.

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: [ PFIR ] ICANN Announces Surprise Termination of Domain Name
Expansion Program; Plans Own Dissolution
Date: Sun, 1 Apr 2012 00:29:33 -0700
From: PFIR (People For Internet Responsibility) Announcement List
<pfir at pfir.org>
Reply-To: PFIR (People For Internet Responsibility) Announcement List
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To: pfir-list at pfir.org


ICANN Announces Surprise Termination of Domain Name Expansion Program;
Plans Own Dissolution

http://lauren.vortex.com/archive/000945.html

Sunday, 1 April 2012

MARINA DEL REY, California (ZAP) -- In a stunning and unexpected
announcement, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers
(ICANN) has announced the immediate termination of its controversial and
much criticized plan for a vast expansion of generic top-level
Internet domain names (gTLDs), and has set an aggressive timetable for
the dissolution of ICANN itself.

ICANN has been increasingly condemned for what many observers have
called erratic and inappropriate decision-making processes, leading to
the U.S. Department of Commerce refusing to renew a key ICANN function
last month, and ICANN's own outgoing CEO publicly implying that
conflicts of interest on the ICANN board of directors have allowed
ICANN to be co-opted by moneyed "domainer" speculation interests.

ICANN spokesman Seymour Murdochian discussed his organization's
drastic change of course as he snacked on Beluga caviar spread over
Wonder Bread, while watching his Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow being
washed and detailed in Beverly Hills.

"I realize that there are many serious allegations outstanding against
ICANN these days," said Mr. Murdochian.  "We're blamed for ignoring
the best interests of the global Internet community.  We're accused of
implementing an extortionist protection racket via an enormous domain
name expansion program, that would ultimately suck billions of dollars
out of the Internet economy and would only serve to enrich the
"domain-industrial complex" operating those domains.  People claim
that we arrogantly ignore legitimate concerns of trademark holders,
are complicit in helping the U.S. government disable domains around
the world without due process, waste money on unnecessary global
travel to exotic locales, have become totally owned by a "gold rush"
mentality via wealthy powers at the top of the DNS food chain, and
even that we use overly expensive hand soap in our office restrooms,"
added Mr. Murdochian.

"I want to be absolutely clear that the ICANN board of directors takes
firm and uncompromising exception to such a characterization.  Our
hand soap is not outrageously expensive, and given the amount of hand
washing we do around here, having quality soap available is a
necessity, not a luxury," Murdochian noted.

Murdochian then explained ICANN's recent change of heart.  "After
extensive discussions internally, with our travel agents, and with our
personal portfolio managers, we've decided that the time is ripe for
us to bow out of formal Internet affairs.  We want to make way for the
creation of new Internet governance models that can be purpose-built
to better serve the entire Internet community around the world, will
reduce the risk of Internet fragmentation that has been rising as
domestic governments increasingly threaten not to play along with our
current schemes, and will help reduce the risk of a potentially
disastrous Internet takeover by politically-encumbered organizations
such as the United Nations or International Telecommunication Union."

"Therefore, we've announced that effective immediately, all ICANN
activities related to new Internet top-level domains are permanently
ended.  We will be refunding all associated fees already paid by
applicants, and as a token of our appreciation for past support will
be including with each refund an approximately 1.5 carat, 'H' color,
'SI' quality diamond from our vaults."

"We have filed appropriate notifications with the Department of
Commerce and foreign governments expressing our intention to cease all
ICANN operations no later than a year from now on 1 April 2013."

"I'll be reachable for additional comments at my summer home on the
Riviera if there are any other questions," said Mr. Murdochian, just
before his chauffeur whisked him away.

Asked about these unexpected, dramatic developments, Lauren Weinstein,
a long-time Internet technologist and vocal critic of ICANN's domain
name plans, said that, "It's indeed encouraging to see ICANN finally
doing what's really right for the entire global Internet community,
and abandoning their plans to fleece the Internet at large for the
benefit of domain speculators and associated opportunists.  A new
alternative to ICANN and to existing organizations like the ITU and UN
is definitely the way that we need to proceed to make the Internet
better for everyone around the world.  It's a shame though that this
process has taken so long, and that this entire article is only an
April Fools' Day posting."

ZAP/NYC 20120401 0916

- - -

--Lauren--
Lauren Weinstein (lauren at vortex.com): http://www.vortex.com/lauren
Co-Founder: People For Internet Responsibility: http://www.pfir.org
Founder:
 - Data Wisdom Explorers League: http://www.dwel.org
 - Network Neutrality Squad: http://www.nnsquad.org
 - Global Coalition for Transparent Internet Performance:
http://www.gctip.org
 - PRIVACY Forum: http://www.vortex.com
Member: ACM Committee on Computers and Public Policy
Lauren's Blog: http://lauren.vortex.com
Google+: http://vortex.com/g+lauren / Twitter: http://vortex.com/t-lauren
Tel: +1 (818) 225-2800 / Skype: vortex.com
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